Never Say Never, and Don't Take No For An Answer

I've never been a big fan of the world “no”.  I wouldn't consider myself a big rule breaker, but if you tell me I am not capable of something, I WILL prove you wrong.  I recently saw an interview with a woman executive in which she said she would not hire a woman who took time off work to raise her children. As shocking as that may sound, it's not unusual.

After Nathan was born, I didn't work in television for 5 years, but I was still working!  I got my real estate license, raised my kids, managed Nathan's therapies (20 hours a week of autism therapists in and out of our home), when Drew started pre-school, I worked at his school, and much more.  Finally, when Drew was 2 and Nathan was 4, I was ready to go back to work.  Nathan was in preschool full-time and was getting most of his therapy there.

When Drew was 2, I got to join him and his preschool class on a

float in a Memorial Day parade. I wouldn't change that for anything!

During my job search, I was told no.. A LOT!  Every job interview I went on felt like an interrogation- not about my experience and qualifications, but about my time off.

Why did you take so much time off?

How do you know you're ready to come back?

Will you want to take time off again?

If you have a disabled son, how will you handle that and a full-time job?
(All completely inappropriate questions, by the way!)

I also got to go on field trips with Nathan and his preschool class

Every time I was turned down for a job, the hiring managers told me it was because a lot had changed in 5 years, and they offered the job to someone more qualified (at this point I had 7 years of experience as TV news producer- so I was qualified).  In the 5 years I was away from news, some technology had changed, but not that much, and I didn't forget how to write news in 5 years!

I teamed up with my mother to sell real estate

in Ulster County, NY

Finally, after more than a year of looking, I found a job.  Or actually, a job found me.  A former boss and friend who I had worked for in Florida contacted me. He had been hired as a news director in Albany, NY and was looking for a producer and asked if I would be interested.  He apologized about the modest salary, and seemed legitimately surprised when I, without hesitation, said yes!

The job wasn't perfect.  My husband and I were each commuting over an hour each way, in opposite directions and we were also working opposite shifts and getting very little sleep.  But I was just so glad to have a job and that someone believed in me again!

There is no place I'd rather be during breaking news

than in a control room

Less than a year later, I was offered a  producing job in New York City. It had always been my dream to work in the number one market in the country.  Two and a half years after that, I was promoted to executive producer- my current job. I've now been back in the business for almost 6 years, and with my current company for 5 years. For a long time, I didn’t tell people I worked with that I had taken time off.  The way I was treated during my job search made me feel ashamed of it, when I should have been proud.

So, what should women (or men) do if they want or need to take time off to raise their children?  

1- Do it.  A lot of people assume that’s the easy choice, it’s not.  It’s difficult.  I had worked hard for years to get where I was in my career and while I loved being with my children, watching them grow up and making sure Nathan was getting all the help he needed at the time, I missed work.  When breaking news would happen, I would want to run to the nearest newsroom, just to be a part of it.  But I never for one minute regretted being with my children.  It was what they needed at the time.

2- Don’t apologize for it.  You are putting your family first, that’s what makes you a great parent!  People may not understand, and think you do nothing all day, but you, and your kids, know the truth.

3- If you get to the point that you’re ready to come back to work, don’t take no for an answer.  Keep knocking down those doors.  If someone assumes you’re less than, weaker or unemployable because you took time off for your children- you don’t want to work for that person anyway!

4- When you do get hired, be the best employee they’ve ever had.  Go above and beyond, show them everything your time off taught you- how to multi-task, how to delegate, and how to get it all done on very little sleep!

On holidays like New Year's Eve, I celebrate at work,

with my second family

And for hiring managers, if you write off a mother or father, just because she or he took time off for their children, you’re missing out.  Many of these people are hardworking, responsible, leaders who will make your company better.

Thank goodness for Hulu and Netflix, they make the commute go faster!

As for me, would I have my current job if my old boss hadn't reached out to me? Honestly, I don't know.  But I do know I would have kept looking and would have continued to rebel against "no".