Understanding Feelings with Disney's Inside Out

Nathan and I love movies, especially Disney movies.  We have a "date night" almost every Saturday night- we make popcorn, climb into bed and enjoy a flick.  Our new favorite is "Inside Out".  We saw this movie last summer in the theater, but after he got the Blu-Ray for Christmas, we've watched it several times.  (Sometimes Jason and Drew join us too, but usually they watch one of "their" movies like The Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones or Star Wars)

Me and Nathan on one of our many movie nights!

While, our whole family enjoys "Inside Out", it really clicks with Nathan.   Nathan is 10-years-old and has autism.  Sometimes he has a hard time controlling his emotions and expressing what he's feeling.  It's also hard for him to understand that other people have feelings too and how you talk to people or treat them can impact their mood too.

"Inside Out" centers around an 11-year-old girl named Riley who moves from Minnesota to San Francisco with her family.  But the real main characters are the emotions inside her head- Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust and Anger.  You get to see how they interact with each other, when they "drive", and how other people react to Riley's different moods.  It also shows how our emotions help shape our memories, we remember things differently based on the emotions we were feeling at the time.

This movie has been a valuable tool for Nathan.  He now constantly talks about his emotions.  He will explain that when he has a meltdown, Anger is driving and Joy can't control him.  He told me that after a meltdown, Sadness takes over, because he's sad that he acted the way he did.  He says that when we ask him to do something he doesn't want to do-like eat off a paper plate or get off the computer- Disgust is driving.

I think for the first time, Nathan is also realizing that other people have emotions too.  In the movie, when Riley is eating dinner with her parents and starts to talk back to her mother, you see the emotions inside the mom's head start to wonder what's going on, then mom signals dad, who wasn't paying attention to anything.  The emotions in his head panic as they try to figure out what they missed.  After seeing the movie several times, Nathan now asks me what emotion I'm feeling and why.  The other day when I was feeding the dog he said "Joy is in control in Brewsky's head right now."

I also think this movie has a great message for parents.  We do everything we can to make our children happy, that's our job as parents.  But, it's also important sometimes for our kids to feel sad or angry or disgusted or scared.  Don't you feel better after a good cry?  Or a good scream?  Releasing those feelings help us to feel joy.  This has been a great lesson for me as we continue to deal with challenging behaviors and meltdowns- I can give in to Nathan and make him "happy" for now or I can push him and make him "angry" which will actually make him even happier in the long run.

There have been a number of articles written about Disney's "Inside Out" and how it has helped some kids and adults with autism.  It has really helped Nathan, and me.  But I also want to warn that it may not be suitable for all children.  There is a scene in which Riley runs away.  Be prepared to talk to your child about this, and explain that running away is never okay, and is never the answer.  This actually started a good dialogue between Nathan and me.  He has a tendency to wander.  When the movie showed how scared Riley's parents were when they couldn't find her and how scared she was when she realized what she had done- I explained to Nathan why he needs to pay attention to his surroundings, why he needs to make sure he's always with us, and why I get upset when he walks away from me.

If you haven't seen "Inside Out" or even if you've only seen it once, and you think your child is mature enough to handle it, I suggest seeing it or seeing it again.  Use it as a discussion starter.  Ask your child questions, let him ask you questions.  You might be surprised by what you discover!