Autism Meltdowns Part 2: When Ignoring it Doesn't Work

I recently reached out to all of you for help dealing with Nathan's meltdowns.  We also have a crisis therapist who helps us handle them.  Her first advice was to ignore them.  This has actually helped quite a bit, but it is not always possible.

Usually, Nathan is a sweet, happy boy
but occasionally he loses it, and its not easy to
predict when or why it will happen

Since we started ignoring the meltdown, they have become much less frequent, but when he does have them, they have become more severe.  Not only does he curse and yell, he will sometimes throw things, punch and kick.  One night, I told Nathan it was time to start settling down for bed he got so angry he started throwing things at me and Drew.  It was very scary.  Luckily, he has really bad aim and we were able to duck out of the way, and Jason was able to grab him and pull him out of the room.  Afterward, Drew burst into tears, he was really scared and didn't know why that had happened.  It actually was really scary.  I couldn’t apologize enough to Drew.  I felt so bad that he had to go through that.  That was a few days before the kids went back to school.  Ever since this incident, Nathan has been great at home and hasn’t had any more meltdowns.

At school, the first week or so was great.  Nathan’s regular teacher is out on maternity leave, so he has been getting used to a new, interim teacher.  Everyday after school, we were getting great reports about Nathan doing really well and participating.  Then Thursday of last week, we got a report that he had a difficult morning, and it started as soon as he set foot inside the door of the school.  I was shocked to hear this.  We had an amazing morning together.  Then on Friday, I got a call from the principal that Nathan had a meltdown during math (Nathan really hates math).  He cursed, punched and kicked his aide and refused to do his work.  The principal asked me to talk to him to see if I could calm him down.  As soon as I got on the phone Nathan said, “F--- you, mom, I hate you.”  The principal got back on the phone and said these are similar things to what he was saying in class.  I asked the principal to put Nathan back on the phone. I reminded Nathan that in order grow up to be an architect, he has to listen to his teachers, do what they ask him to do, study hard and learn math.  His whole attitude changed.  He apologized to me, and to the principal and asked to return to his classroom.

Once again, we met with Nathan’s crisis therapist about these recent outbursts.  She wrote out a contract that both she and Nathan signed, saying that if he gets angry, he will ask for help or ask for a break.  If he makes good choices and controls his outbursts, we will work on building a fort in our backyard.  (I have no idea how to build a fort!)  I reached out to Nathan’s teacher and told her about the plan.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with these meltdowns, is they are so hard to predict.  Most of the time, Nathan is a loving, sweet boy, but occasionally, he just loses it.  And there is no way to predict what will set him off and when.  I am not sure if the contract will work, but I am willing to try anything.  I will never stop trying new things to try to help him.