Disney World and FastPass

I am so excited, I can hardly stand it!  We are now just 37 days away from our Walt Disney World vacation!  2 weeks ago I booked our FastPass+ return times.

We started our countdown more
than a year ago, so it's getting real!

FastPass allows you to skip the line for certain rides, shows, parades, or other attractions.  You will be given a 1 hour window to arrive at the ride entrance.  You can pick 3 per day and they must all be at the same park.  If you are staying on Disney property you can start booking 60 days before your arrival date.  Off property guests can book 30 days out.  This is the third time we've gone with the new FastPass+ system.  (Before you couldn't book your return times in advance).

You can make your FastPass+ selections
on the My Disney Experience app
or on the website

If you haven't been to Disney World before, this can be overwhelming.  You don't want to be running from one side of the park to the other side- you will end up exhausted and frustrated.  So what should you do?  You can call Disney World and ask them to send you maps of each park.  That way you can study them before making your selections.  I would once again recommend reading Birnbaum's Walt Disney World book.  Each park is broken down by area and each attraction is described in detail.  You can also check out Touring Plans.  There is a $12 subscription per year (but you can find coupon codes, I was able to get it for $9 for the year).  I had never done Touring Plans before, because I consider myself an expert!  But I decided to try it this year.  It is actually really fun. It uses historical attendance data for your dates to tells you how long lines will be, how long it will take to walk from one attraction to the next, and which attractions are best options for FastPass.

This is my go-to book for all things Disney World
I buy a new one just about every year

Unlike advanced dining reservations, which open for booking at 6am, FastPass opens for booking at midnight.  So, should you stay up until midnight to get yours exactly 60 days before your trip?  It really depends.  I would say definitely do it at midnight if-
1.you're staying for a short period of time
2. have a large party traveling with you
3. want to get FastPasses to popular attractions like an Anna and Elsa meet and greet, Seven Dwarfs Mine Train and Toy Story Midway Mania
If you're staying for a longer time, if you're traveling with a smaller party (4 or less) and you don't want those more popular attractions or you can wait until later in your trip to do them, you should be fine waiting until later in the day.

Happy planning!

I'm Drowning.. In Paperwork!

I need to get organized!  When you have a child with special needs, you will be drowning in paperwork.  I have every report from every doctor's appointment Nathan has ever had, every evaluation, every therapist.

This is the original binder I created for Nathan's
paperwork. 

When we were getting Nathan diagnosed, I created a binder.  That binder quickly became 2 binders, which quickly became a drawer in our file cabinet.  And now it's just a huge pile of papers and boxes in the corner of our dining room.  I just got a call from social services saying they need one specific report from the school from three years ago.  Ugh.

When we outgrew the binder, I started using
a drawer in our file cabinet

Why are all of these reports so important?  Every time you meet with a new service provider or doctor, they will start with a treatment history.  You will have to know how long he had ABA therapy before starting school, his date of diagnosis, and the date of his latest psychological testing.  And someone can call you at anytime and ask you to fax over 40 different documents immediately.

Now, I have a pile of papers and boxes in the
corner of our dining room

So, I guess I better get to the store and buy a bigger file cabinet, and this one will be just for Nathan's documents, because, who knows who will call me tomorrow, and what they will ask for!

Hard Work Pays Off!

Over the last month Nathan, and the rest of our family, has learned a valuable lesson. Hard work truly pays off.  At the beginning of the school year, Nathan was having a hard time, he was having a lot of meltdowns, cursing, and yelling out in class.

After a month of hard work by Nathan and
us, Nathan's fort is finally finished!

Nathan has a dream of one day becoming an architect and building a tree house for him to live in.  This is actually more than a dream, it's an obsession!  So, one of Nathan's therapists recommended building a smaller tree house or fort in the backyard as a reward for good behavior.  Nathan has been working really hard, trying to making good choices and control his temper in school and at home.  If he did well during the week, on the weekend we would work on building it.  Jason, my dad and I started working on it a month ago.  It was still warm out.  This weekend, four weeks after we started, wearing hats, coats and gloves, we finally finished (well, finished construction, we still need to finish working on the base and building up the ground around it).  Nathan is so excited.  Actually, I haven't seen him this excited about something that wasn't a computer, video game or Spongebob Squarepants in a long time.

The best part is, even though we've finished building, we can still use it as a reward.  One of Nathan's favorite things to do is to swing.  His occupational therapist says it helps calm him.  So we can use the swing and the fort as an ongoing reward.  If he makes good choices at school, he will be allowed to swing when he gets home.  He will be allowed to climb his rock wall.  He will be allowed to go down his slide.

Rewards can be anything or anywhere.  Think about what your child is really passionate about and use it!

An Autism Mom Is An Advocate Mom

I think people would describe me as a nice person.  I try to be nice.  But sometimes, I just don't have time to be nice!  After Nathan was diagnosed with autism, a fight began.  Getting the help, services, appointments, diagnoses, classifications and meetings for Nathan has been a constant battle.
If you call and leave a message for social services, don't expect anyone to call you back.  If you have a new teacher, don't expect that they will read your child's IEP and know what he needs.  If you call for an appointment with a doctor, you'll probably be told nothing is available for months.  So, what do you do?  Call back, again, and again, and again.

Sometimes my husband, Jason, says I'm too harsh.  When he is cc'ed on an email with a therapist, teacher or doctor and I tell them exactly what we expect from them and how they are not living up to that expectation, Jason will say, "I don't know if you should have said it like that.  It seemed kind of mean."

But you know what?  I don't care!  I've learned and grown so much in the last 8 years.  It used to be hard for me to speak up and ask for things.  But I've learned if you know what your child needs, demand it and continue to demand it, you will get it.  It might take months, or even years, but eventually, you will get it.

I know it is discouraging and frustrating, but please don't give up. You are your child's biggest advocate.  Continue to ask for what your child needs, eventually it will pay off!

It's Not About the Milestones, It's About the Moment!

We all wish for the best for our children and our children's futures. I do. But I also worry about Nathan's future. I don't know what tomorrow or the next 10, 20, 30 years will bring. 

I try not to think about it too much but sometimes the uncertainty just smacks me in the face. Usually it's when someone tries to tell me what to expect as my kids get older. Yesterday, a good friend was telling me about the teenage years. He said right now my kids want to spend time with me, but that's going to all change over the next few years. He said then when they get their licenses they'll be gone all the time and when they turn 18 and leave the house for college (or whatever), all I can do is hope that everything we taught them has sunk in and they make good choices.  

Of course, my friend didn't mean to bring up any fears inside of me. All I could do was sit there nodding with a lump building in my throat. I don't know if Nathan will ever get a license. I don't know if he'll ever move out and be able to live independently. I hope he does all these amazing things, but I honestly don't know. 

This happens often actually. I'll never forget when Drew was 3 and Nathan was 5, I was talking to two other moms. One was telling us she was concerned that her 3 year old was having trouble potty training. The other mom said, "Don't worry about it, it's not like he's going to go to kindergarten wearing diapers."  They both laughed, I didn't.  Nathan actually did go to kindergarten wearing diapers.  

Several months ago, in an editorial meeting at work someone pitched a story that young kids are spending so much time on computers, iPads, and video games that they're not learning to do things like how to tie their shoes until after they start school. Someone in the meeting asked me when my kids learned to tie their shoes. I said Drew learned when he was 4. I didn't mention that Nathan still can't tie his shoes. 

Usually when someone is talking about "normal" milestones and when kids reach them, I talk about Drew and when he did something.  I usually don't compare Nathan to other kids.  Why?  Well there are a couple of reasons.  First, it's for the other person's comfort. These people all know I have a child with autism. They don't mean any harm by what they're saying and if I say, Nathan may not do those things, Nathan wore diapers to kindergarten or Nathan can't tie his shoes, the other person will feel uncomfortable and then say they're sorry. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us.  Also, I do it for Nathan, because I don't think it's fair to compare him to "normal" development milestones.

I'm sure there are other parents who have experienced the same or similar things.  It's not always easy in the moment, but try not to take it personally.  And don't compare your child to other kids, compare where he is today with where he was yesterday, or last year, or five years ago.  When I do that, I'm amazed by what Nathan can do!

I Just Can't Say No!

Do you have a hard time saying no?  A lot of people do.  I'm one of them.  But I don't really have a problem saying no to other people, I have a hard time saying no to myself!

I think I can do everything.  I can't.  But I still think I can.  I'm Wonder Woman right?  No, I'm actually not!

As you know, I'm a wife, and mom to two amazing boys.  I also work full time.  I leave my house for work every day at about 12:30 in the afternoon and get home at 12:45 in the morning.  I get up at 7, get the kids ready and drive them to school.  When I get home from dropping them off, I post my blog, then work on marketing for my mom's real estate business.  I make virtual tours, post ads on Facebook, whatever she needs from me.

I also volunteer for the PTA and the parent leadership team at the kids' school.  I feel like I should do more for the school.  It's hard because I work at night- when PTA meetings and events are held.  I often switch my schedule or take the day off for school events.  I also teach a special needs religion class at our church.  I want to make sure Nathan and other special needs kids are offered the same religious education as neurotypical kids in the congregation.

But I still think I can do more.  The other day I got an email from Ithaca College, the wonderful school I graduated from.  It needs nominations for the Alumni Association Board of Directors.  Of course, I immediately thought to myself, "I should do that.  I love Ithaca."  As I read further and saw the requirements, I realized, I'm nuts!  I don't have time for this.  I also want to do more for autism awareness, and drunk driving awareness- maybe one day.

It seems like everyone is always talking about how busy we are.  It's like a status symbol.  But it's no one's fault but our own.  But it's okay to be busy, I actually like it, especially when I'm busy doing things I truly care about!

October 3, 1987, The Day Our Lives Changed Forever

If you've been wondering where I've been or why I haven't written in several days, it's because I've been trying to write this post. It is one hardest things I've ever written. I've written and deleted it about a dozen times over the last few days. 

On October 3, 1987, my childhood came to a screeching halt. My innocence was gone. And over the next few years, my faith in our justice system and our country would be rocked. 

My dad and his sister, Brenda Carter Dirago,
on her wedding day

On October 3, 1987, Brenda Carter Dirago, my aunt, my godmother, my dad's sister, was killed. A beautiful, happy, vibrant, 29-year-old newlywed was ripped from our lives because some guy had to spend an entire day at a bar drinking, then drive himself home. Speeding down a rain soaked street, he crossed the double yellow line, crashing head first into her car.  She had just enough time to say to her husband, "What is this guy doing?"

This was before the days of airbags. Her seat belt did nothing to help her. Her chest was crushed by the steering wheel. She had massive head injuries.  There was no way she could have survived. 

Over the years I have written about Aunt Brenda a lot. I have given speeches at anti-drunk driving rallies.  It's been 28 years and I've been telling this story for most of my life.

The drunk driver, Thomas Corbin, was never punished for his crime. It was a pretty big deal at the time. It was on the news, in The New York Times, Inside Edition interviewed my family. The case went all the way to the Supreme Court which decided in a split decision that this man had paid for his crime with a $350 fine. My aunt's life for $350 bucks. I still can't let that go.

Now, decades later, this is just some old Supreme Court case that law students learn about, law reviews write about and defense lawyers use as precedent to help their criminal clients.  It's easy for other people to forget that an actual person was killed here.  Aunt Brenda is still gone. She is still loved. She is still missed. She is still grieved. Our pain hasn't gone away. 

Why do I think writing about Aunt Brenda is different for me this year?  Because I'm tired. I'm tired of talking about criminals who get set free or never get sent to jail at all because of some legal loophole, some mistake by prosecutors, some screw up by the investigators, or because of some deal their lawyers got for them.  The man who killed my aunt didn't pull out a gun and shoot her. He didn't kill her with his own hands. But what difference does it make?  The end result is the same. He still killed her.  She's still dead.

I love our country. But we need to fix our criminal justice system. It makes me angry that a man who killed an unarmed teen can be walking the streets and posting crazy stuff on social media. It makes me sad that a football star who knocks his wife unconscious on video can get the charges dropped by going to counseling. And it makes me furious that the guy who decided to drink in a bar all day and drive himself home on October 3, 1987 is still living his life, never facing any real punishment for killing one of the kindest, gentlest people I have ever had the privilege to know. 

I miss you, Aunt Brenda. I love you and will see you again, one day. 

Everyone else, please, don't drink and drive!!!!




(I didn't get into all the legal stuff, or why the guy was able to kill my aunt and only get a $350 fine. Please, take a look at this New York Times  article for the explanation.)